From This Moment
by 85Alicia
Summary: My take on what happened after the season finale. Its my first shot at writing so any feedback good bad ugly all welcome.
1. Chapter 1

She took a deep breath as she finished reading her statement. They were shouting questions at her as she signalled to Bucky she was done.

"No comment." He told them authoritatively.

"Rayna has this got anything to do with Deacon Claybourne and the Rolling Stones article?" She heard a journalist shout after her as she turned her back.

"Ms Jaymes won't be answering anymore questions. At this difficult time we would appreciate it if you could respect her and her families privacy. Thank you." Bucky answered directly as he turned and followed behind Rayna.

"Are you ok Ray?" He asked putting his hand on her shoulder. She reached and touched his hand in appreciation.

"I'm not..but I will be Buck. Thanks for trying to sort all my mess out.. I'm sorry I'm giving you such a headache." She apologised as she turned to him once they were safely inside her house.

"Don't be daft that's what I'm here for. I'll always have your best interests Rayna."

"I know you do thanks for being so sweet." She breathed out a sigh of relief before she heard the commotion of her girl's asking her sister a million and one questions about what was happening.

"Mom?" They both chimed in unison. They flung their arms around her.

"Hello my babies." She greeted them.

"Mom are you ok?" Maddie asked full of concern. Rayna stroked her hand through her eldest hair as they exchanged a small smile.

"Come sit down." She asked them and dutifully they followed her. Neither of her girl's eyes left their mother. Maddie tried to gauge how her mother was really feeling. She looked..peaceful.

"So..I told you earlier that Luke and I had, had a talk..and we decided that we weren't ready to get married and that because we're in the public eye, I had to go and let the press know. But the most important thing to me is that you two understand what's happening and if you have any questions you can ask me?" She finished looking at her daughters.

"I'm just happy if you are mommy." Daphne told her hugging into her.

"We don't need to know why. I could tell you weren't yourself especially over the last few weeks. You didn't look happy but you seem peaceful now mom. What's best for us is when your happy, like Daphne said." Maddie told her honestly.

"Thank you my beautiful daughters for loving your momma." She told them hugging them.

"I think we need to have a movie day popcorn maybe some s'mores?" She told them as she pulled them back into the couch with her kissing at them." They were all giggling as she shooed them to go find a movie to watch. Now it was Tandy's turn as she slipped into the seat beside Rayna that Maddie had occupied. Rayna hugged her burying her face into her sister.

"It's ok Ray. You did the right thing if you weren't happy." Tandy reassured her.

"I feel relieved." She admitted as a few tears escape her eyes.

"It's ok." Tandy hugged her tightly. "I could tell you weren't right last night when we were talking. It felt like Teddy all over again didn't it? You don't love him, not like you know who?" She asked knowingly.

"Why can't I move on Tandy? Why can't I stop loving him?" She looked at her sister pleadingly.

"Your just not meant to Ray, your just meant to be with him maybe? It kills me to admit it but Deacon and you, you are just never going to get over losing each other because you weren't ready to be ripped away from each other. If it wasn't for Maddie I know you would of gone back to him and probably wouldn't of married Teddy." Tandy offered. Rayna thought over what Tandy had just said.

"Your right I didn't want to leave him I wasn't ready to call it quits. If I hadn't of been pregnant I don't think anything could of stopped me falling back into his arms." She admitted.

"Maybe for your own good you need to take a chance on him. After all this time it's still there. I thought you would of gotten over him? But...there it is?" They exchanged knowing looks.

"The night he came here and proposed Tandy? If he hadn't of left so quickly I wouldn't of let him. He does something to me...I don't know. I would do anything to be with him in those moments." She tried to explain.

"Why don't you go speak to him?" Tandy suggested. She rolled her eyes in answer.

"The press are camped outside? But then what? I just roll up to his house and say guess what I'm single. How about it baby after all those times I've told you I'm over you and to go get a bloody life without me? If I was him I would tell me to go take a run and jump." She admitted.

"Or you could go apologise and see where you stand. He wanted to marry you not that long ago. I think he would forgive you anything." Just then the girl's came back in chattering together looking happy.

They watched a few movies cuddled up on Rayna's bed, had some junk food and soon it was nine o' clock.

"Bedtime I think. It's been a long day." Rayna told them as they got up obediently nobody even made a grumble. They strolled out of her room and down the hall. Daphne disappeared into her room chattering to Tandy as Maddie asked...

"Mom since everything is off do you think I could go see my dad tomorrow?"

"Yeh course you can sweet girl." She answered playing with her hair.

"Thanks. Are you going to speak to my dad?"

"What about?"

"Well just with everything with Luke.. And dad proposed too. I know he loves you and I'm sorry but I listened to you and aunt Tandy talking earlier so I know you love him?"

"You shouldn't of been listening to that." She told her off. "I have loved your dad a very long time. So it's not straight forward...we have a lot of things to talk through, but I will speak to him. But he's mad at me cause I've done some things he doesn't approve of."

"Dad said he loves us unconditionally, me, you and Daphne. Even if I grow up to be a serial killer it won't stop him loving me, he said. So I'm sure whatever you've done he will forgive you mom." Maddie reassured her as they hugged.

"Ok babe get to bed we will speak in the morning." She told her daughter tapping her behind softly. "When did you get so wistful?"

"Always..my dad says I get it from you." She offered in answer smiling as she disappeared into her bedroom. She went back into her own bedroom as Tandy walked back in.

"I'd appreciate you staying with me Tand. I don't want to sleep on my own." She asked her sister.

"I'll stay here but I think you've got somewhere else to be or rather someone you owe an explanation to? Maddie spoke to him earlier and she told him about Luke he said he'd seen it on tv. He needs to hear it from you though babe." Her sister told her as they hugged. "Go get your boy." She whispered.

"I've not called him that..well out loud anyway in years." She whispered back.

"But he is..and I'm sorry for any part I had in convincing you away from him. But I only wanted the best for you."

"None of this is anything to do with any advice you gave or didn't give me. You love me and I'm grateful for you. Can I ask a favour? Can I borrow your car?" They hugged each other once more before they gave each other a smile and Rayna disappeared out and down the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

This is just a short chapter next one is where it will all kick off. Any feedback is appreciated. Xx

She had drove out the driveway in her sisters car without anyone caring or noticing. Looked like all of the press had gotten bored and left. She flicked the radio on and Faith Hill blared out as she sang along. Then it was the news cast, she could hear herself reciting her statement. Quickly she flicked the channel again, and there was his voice singing You're The Kinda Trouble. She got comfy as she listened to his soothing voice. When the song finished the radio presenter announced Deacon's name. Then he started to tell a story about them from back in the day. How one time he had met them yadda, yadda, yadda. How he knew she wouldn't marry Luke cause he had met her and Deacon once. Blah, blah, blah.

"Oh shut the hell up." She announced into the empty car. How would he know when she didn't even know herself? She felt irritated until she heard the first few chords of the next song. She knew instantly it was Deacon strumming as Postcard from Mexico started playing, God they were all over the radio tonight. She felt relaxed instantly as she listened to their voices blending remembering when they performed that song how it felt when he looked at her. She remembered the day they wrote that song she couldn't get enough of him and they had spent all day in bed. How easy it all was then. No children, no ex's, no rehab. She wondered if he would still look at her like that tonight when she turned up on his doorstep. When she had been barely older than Maddie she believed that he would be her one and only..forever. Which had been true for the first ten years they were together. No body could turn her head. But..her first time with Teddy had been about spiting him after he went back to rehab yet again. She knew as soon as she had agreed to go back to Teddy's that night she would regret it. She must of lay there for all of five minutes after he rolled off of her before jumping up grabbing her stuff and getting out of Teddy's apartment. She sobbed for the rest of the night feeling sorry for herself regretting her actions. To that point she had only ever been with Deacon and it had felt wrong and unnatural being with Teddy. She had split up with Deacon but she hadn't stop loving him, worrying about him. He was experienced when they met but had never slept with anyone else their entire relationship she knew that to be true. Well not until she had gone and married Teddy and announced her pregnancy. Which she couldn't judge him for but she hated seeing him with anyone else on tour. It felt like a punch to her gut. The first year was real bad to the point she was clinically depressed. She would sneak out of Teddy's bed and sleep in the guest room so she could cry herself to sleep most nights yearning for him. But she had to keep going she had Maddie and she came first now. Deacon wasn't her concern..but she couldn't stay away from him. Emotionally she needed him and professionally. They managed to work out a friendship that had satisfied their need for one another. There was boundaries in place that were never crossed but they did a lot of cuddling and talking. She remembered fondly. They loved each other and that fact would never not be true. She had to stop thinking about way back when. She had to concentrate on right here, right now. So this was it. She thought as she pulled up outside his house. Déjà vu. She swallowed hard thinking about what she wanted to say. Wondering if it was going to be ok. She took a breath and opened the door, slamming it closed she hit the lock button on Tandy's Merc key. She slowly climbed the stairs and as she looked up, there he was opening the door looking straight at her. She felt sheepish and shy and then she blurted out.

"Hey." She said feeling silly. He made her feel that way just looking at her like that. She could feel everything she wanted to say melting under his gaze. He knew why she was here and damn why did she need to look so gorgeous as she did right now? Cause that's what his Rayna did she didn't have to try. She just was.


	3. Chapter 3

"I don't know where to start!" She stated nervously as she shivered looking at her feet. He wasn't going to make it easy for her. She had told him in her own way to let her move on and basically get out of her life. It had been hard to hear and accept her words but he did as she had asked. He stood looking at her completely mute.

"I suppose I should start with I'm so sorry." She tried to make eye contact with him. She noticed how withdrawn and unwell he looked and she hated knowing she was the cause. Her telling him she was marrying someone else had clearly made a detrimental impact on her Deacon. Her eyes began to fill up with unshed tears. Her voice began to quiver as she continued...

"I'm sorry for hurting you and pushing you away. I'm sorry I gave them our relationship for the article. You don't realise how much your words have tormented me?" He looked at her unapologetically. "I gave them us. You were right not to recognise me cause I didn't recognise myself. I needed to hear it from you to realise it and that hurt." She admitted as a tear slowly ran down her cheek. He started to soften as she explained herself. Seeing her on his doorstep looking so small and insecure, he could feel the tears begin to prick at his own eyes. "The way I treated you was terrible and not being able to speak to you the last few weeks has been torture...it really shook up me cause it's the only thing I've wanted to do. But..I've done a lot of thinking and I've realised that my marriage with Teddy only worked because I still had you in my life. I turn to you for everything, every decision, every problem. You were there." Her tears ran freely down her face and she bit her lip to stop it from quivering as she shivered with a mixture of the cold and nerves. "My relationship with Luke worked because after the accident it was easier to push you away with Luke there between us. I was so mad at you but I still had you. It was easy with him because he couldn't hurt me. I wasn't in love with him. The only man that can do that is standing here looking at me with disappointment in his eyes and that kills me Deacon. I know that your silently asking questions that I know I need to answer for you and I don't want to lie anymore. I have loved you my entire life. When you were gone it hit me so hard. I can't function without you I'm obsessed with you to the point it's not healthy. I don't need anyone else I just need you and the girl's. I've always just needed you and I know you need me too because we love each other. We're in love with each other...I love you so much." She finished quoting his own words back at him, trying to gauge his reaction through blurry eyes. Her tears streamed down her face. "I'm sorry I pushed you away and made you think I didn't want you...cause the truth is I'm scared I've messed up what we had to the point you can't forgive me." He swallowed hard he knew what he wanted. She was standing in front of him declaring she was all his, if he wanted her. She was afraid that he couldn't forgive her. He stepped forward as he reached out for her hand. They grasped onto one another as he smoothed his thumb back and forth across her skin she needed his reassurance. His eyes burned into her soul. She let a sob escape her mouth as she felt that familiar Deacon feeling as she called it run through her. She felt tingly all over. He pulled her into him embracing and comforting her. She gripped onto him like she would never let go. Their emotions erupted as they clung to one another both freely sobbing. After a few minutes he led her inside. He offered her a drink it was the first thing he had said to her she realised? She shook her head in answer as she sat down on the couch. She suddenly felt uneasy again as he hadn't kissed her yet and that wasn't like him. It let her know she wasn't forgiven completely yet.

"Please let's talk? I want to try and sort things out with you, if you'll let me?" She asked not knowing what else to say. He stopped for just a second before he launched into the core of all their issues.

"You've made me feel so worthless Ray. Like I don't deserve you..so your kinda blowing my mind right now. I don't know what to say? You told me outside two weeks ago that you didn't love me, that you loved him and you were getting married and to stay the hell away? You made me out to be some love sick fool that was besotted with you...and you were over me. Now your saying all this and you've called off the wedding? I don't know what to...make of it?" The sadness in his voice made her want to scream she loved him from the rooftops. She couldn't bare the thought of Deacon believing she didn't love him. Their eyes met as she looked up both had tears in their eyes. She made her way over to him.

"Don't ever say that cause I've never told you I didn't love you." She uttered quietly shaking her head in disbelief. "You know that's not true babe. You know me better than anyone." She told him trying to reassure him stroking his arm softly. He pulled away and turned his back on her.

"But that's the way it feels Ray. I'm never going to be good enough. And you're right I'm not. There is no one out there that even comes close to the way I feel about you. I'm never going to stop wanting you Ray. I will never love anyone the way I love you." He finished as she approached him. "Maybe we should just let it go. We do well as friends, don't we?" He asked. "I think you should just go Ray. I appreciate you coming over and saying all this but maybe we just need some time to.." She ran her hand down his back. "Look at me." She asked as he turned to face her. She had to admit she loved hearing him tell her how much he loves her. Her heart gave a pang when she heard him say it. When Luke told her he loved her he could be rhyming off a shopping list for the impact it had on her. She could see how unhappy Deacon was and knew it was solely her fault. She reached out instinctively and wiped away the tears that rolled down his face. "You're my boy and I do love you Deacon..I love you so much. We will always be more than friends we can go on pretending but we always come back to the same place. We want to be together, don't we?" He could of melted then hearing her call him her boy again and he swallowed hard trying to gain his composure. He tried to avoid looking at her as he moved away from her beginning to pace the floor behind her thinking, trying to process it all. She stood still as her arms fell by her side, trying to give him a minute when all she wanted to do was grab hold of him tell him how sorry she was and not let go. But she knew him and hopefully giving him a minute he would come to her. He uttered. "You, Maddie and Daphne are my happiness." He confessed as he approached her from behind. His hand stroked through the length of her hair softly. Her heart skipped a little with his last confession and gesture and just knowing he was close behind her. She could hear in his voice the complete truth in his words. He boldly pulled her into him wrapping one arm across her chest and the other snaking round her waist holding her tightly. He held her close smelling her hair and burying his face into her neck like it was the last time he was going to hold her. Their familiarity took over as she melted into him she turned in his embrace and ran her hands over his back and into his hair. She held onto him like her life depended on it. She was consumed by him every thought and feeling running through her was for him and him alone in this moment.

"I'm so sorry Deacon. But please don't push me away?" She begged as she sobbed into his chest.

"I know I deserve it, but don't, please." He didn't answer her but he held her so tightly that she knew he wouldn't.

"Are you scared?" She asked more to herself than to him.

"What of?" He whispered into her hair.

"Of this? Us?"

"Terrified." Although he knew his prognosis having Rayna back in his arms gave him everything to fight for.

"I know. I'm just scared that after all this time it might not work...I just..." Her voice cracking with upset. "I love you so much Deacon. Your the only one that can hurt me cause you mean everything to me."

"Say it again."

"Say what?" She spluttered as the tears began to subside.

"The last bit." He asked as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

"You mean everything to me." She repeated lovingly as their eyes locked and she rested her forehead against his. Her face blotchy now from crying but she still looked beautiful. She had that glazed look that he knew so well. He took his chance, he needed to be close to her. He brushed his lips against hers softly. She surprised him as she immediately pulled his face towards her own and kissed him back harder letting a moan escape her throat. Their tongues clashed duelling passionately. Their hands roamed freely relishing being together. She didn't want to move in any direction in case he stopped and told her it was a mistake. But she needed him and she started to pull him back towards the couch. He dutifully followed as he couldn't bare to pull away from her. As her legs touched the couch she lay back encouraging Deacon to stay close to her as he lay on top of her. She wrapped her arms around him one hand running through his hair soothing the pain she had created in him with loosing her. Their kisses were hungry and neither wanted to stop. He was trying to be a gentlemen but it was so hard being in this situation with Rayna she was so beautiful. He tried to break away from her kiss. She felt him pull away and captured his lips again trying to deepen the kiss with her tongue holding his face. He allowed her to kiss him then his conscience kicked in again. "No Ray, I can't do this." He pulled her arms away from him and walked across the room away from her.

"Deacon?" She questioned but he didn't respond.

"You need to go Rayna." He told her with his back to her. She could feel the tears starting as she got up off the couch.

"You told me you loved me. I'm telling you that I love you. Why are you telling me to go? I want to stay here with you." He rolled his eyes at her protest as he ran his hands through his hair. He needed her to go because he had other issues that he couldn't and wouldn't allow her to know about.

"Didn't see you telling me you loved me and begging me not to go two weeks ago Ray when you wanted nothing to do with me?" He scolded her harshly. She was taken aback by him then.

"Ok I deserve that." She admitted "But why can't you look at me and tell me to leave?" He was hiding something. Something else was going on here, she could feel it.

"You know why. Please I just need time to.."

"Deacon please speak to me. What are you hiding?" She challenged him.

"I don't owe you an explanation I'm not your anything Ray. I'm not your boy." She couldn't take it, was she losing him right now? She closed the gap between them as she threw her arms around his middle from behind.

"No Deacon. I won't let you do this. This is our chance babe. Please? You can tell me everything or nothing at all, I just want to be with you." He closed his eyes as he felt her sob against him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for the reviews. Not sure whether everyone is enjoying this or not? I have another couple of parts but I may just finish on this one. Let me know what you think. Thanks xx**

He couldn't take it when she cried. He felt compelled to tell her. He couldn't allow her to believe that he didn't want her. Although he doubted that she would believe his charade of telling her to go anyway. He turned around and lifted her chin so he could look at her.

"No more tears ok?" He told her wiping her eyes with his shirt sleeve.

"I don't know how to tell you?"

"Tell me what Deacon?" She asked. Trying to assess what was going on. He tried but the words wouldn't come out.

"Deacon please just tell me what's wrong. I know something isn't right, please baby. It can't be anything worse than what's running through my mind?" His eye's locked with hers and the love in her eye's compelled him to tell...

"I'm sick Ray. He paused as her eye's grew with fear. "I don't know how sick but it ain't good it's my Liver." He finally said it and it felt bittersweet to tell her. He was glad it wasn't a secret anymore but he knew she would be devastated. Shock was plastered all over her face.

"What? Deacon?" Her eyes searched him as she gripped the front of his shirt.

"How long have you known? Why didn't you tell me?" She asked him feeling annoyed at him.

"I found out yesterday I collapsed when me and Scarlett were down in Memphis." She shook her head feeling a mixture of devastation and fright.

"Why don't you know how sick you are? Have you seen a specialist?" She asked feeling sick.

"I'm going to phone the doctor in the morning." He told her.

"Don't bother I'll phone Buck right now. We will get you an appointment to see the top specialist in the country and you know we'll get you sorted in no time. I'm not taking any chances." She told him reaching for her mobile. He smiled at her no nonsense way of dealing with things.

"Ray?" He said catching her attention taking her mobile away from her ear.

"What? I can't believe you didn't tell me Deacon. I'm really annoyed that you did that. So is that what was stopping you from being with me?" She asked. She could feel the realisation of Deacon's illness seep into her. "Are you scared?" He asked as the colour drained from her face. "How can I be ok until I know that you're going to be ok?" She asked him wrapping her arms around him resting her forehead against his. He took comfort from her and simply nodded his head in answer as they held onto one another.

They let a few tears escape as they felt sorry for themselves and each other. They thought of the time together they had been denied by life before now through miscommunication. Time slipped away from them as they held one another. She felt her own strength come to the fore, she needed to be positive, make him positive but right now she felt like someone had told her the worst possible thing. Her Deacon wasn't well and it was serious and to what extent she didn't know.

"Hey, I love you." She told him as she peppered kisses across his jaw. "And...I know that we are the best medicine for each other. We will take it one day at the time and everything is going to be all right ok?" She told him more confidently than she felt. He nodded his head in agreement. She should feel selfish that within hours of breaking off an engagement to one guy she was back, begging Deacon to forgive her and take her back. But finally she was admitting it to herself she just wanted him. She needed to be with him, close to him. She needed to be with the man she loved.

"You keep saying about loving me. Let me show you babe?"

"Ray?" He began to question as she interrupted him by pressing her finger to his lips. Shushing him as he kissed her finger. She was yearning to be close to him. He had just given his Ray the worst news and she wanted him. Who was he to deny her? He wanted the same thing, he needed to be with the woman he loved. She pulled off her jacket flinging it to the floor.

"Make love to me. I refuse to waste one second with you from now on." She told him feeling bereft and empty as she stood just out of his grasp. He grabbed her and lay her on the couch in front of him. The light caught the golden tones of her hair. The twinkle in her eye that was only for him and it meant one thing and one thing only. He didn't need telling. He swiftly pulled her top off over her head. He began peppering kisses across her collar bone and the top of her breast's. She began to undo his shirt buttons before unlatching his belt and jean zipper. His name seemed so right as it fell out her mouth pleasurably. "Deacon?" He looked up. His name was his favourite word when it left her lips. She smashed her mouth against his. Their hungry hands traced every inch of skin before Deacon easily lifted her onto the fluffy rug on the floor removing the rest of each others clothes. They were both ready just the thought of what was to come was enough. For the first time in over a year they made love to one another slowly relishing every second. It was the first time making love to the mother of his child for Deacon. Rayna he had always loved but he knew she had never been so special to him as she did right now knowing she was the mother of his child. They couldn't help but cry as they connected so passionately and in a deeper way than ever before because they had missed each other. The news that he was ill made her feel helpless because she couldn't do anything about it and it made her feel sick. The fear he could be snatched away from her she couldn't comprehend. She could not lose him now or ever. They rocked together for hours touching, caressing and kissing, remembering every inch of one another.


End file.
